Revelations in the Meidou
by Optimistique
Summary: When Rin is swallowed into the meidou as Sesshomaru seeks to obtain great power with Tenseiga, he is forced to decide what is truly most important to him. A telling of the events from Inuyasha manga chapters 466 - 471 from Sesshomaru's point of view.


**Revelations in the Meidou**

A strong breeze pushed back my long silver hair and I stood still, taking in all the scents the air carried with it. The smell of the grass, the river two miles to the west, the rainclouds fifty miles north, a flock of blackbirds in a nearby tree, the rotting wood of the log behind me, and many other things. It had taken years of training to learn to sift through all the scents I could intake and find the one I sought.

But I had not found it. Not yet. The one I needed had eluded for days now.

It all began when Totosai sought me out to tell me that he had come to reforge Tenseiga.

At last, after 200 years of waiting for an heirloom of my father's in the form of a weapon, and brooding about his denial of Tetsusaiga and Sounga to me, I discovered that my own Tenseiga could in fact be used destructively. It may have only been good for cutting beings of the spiritual realm, but now it could also open a path to that world, sucking all or pieces of my enemies into it. However, this technique, the _meidou-zangetsuha,_ was proving difficult to master. Apparently, its shape was supposed to be that of a circle—an enormous fracture between this world and the next, causing severe damage to the target. My father could make that circle perfectly with one sweep of Tenseiga. But my attack was nowhere near large enough. Despite my great power and all my determination and will, only a slice of that circle, a perfect crescent moon, ever appeared in the air.

If there was anyone who would know the answer to this mystery, it was my father. But of course, thanks to Inuyasha and his worthless human mother, he no longer lived.

Thus, there was only one other to turn to. I had not seen her for over two centuries, and was not eager to do so now. She was one of the few people who could blatantly condescend to me and live. My mother. My pure-bred demon mother with whom I have had relatively little interaction throughout my entire lifespan. However, strengthening Tenseiga was of utmost import, and so I put aside my dislike and decided to seek her out.

I began to search the country for her. I had a general idea of where she might be, but there was no telling just where she had hidden her mansion at the time. No ordinary castle, its location was always changing so as to remain hidden from humans and rival demon clans alike. I constantly walked along, sniffing the wind and searching the skies with my small band of hangers-on in tow.

Jaken, Ah-Un, and Rin I was used to of course, but now that troublesome human boy, Kohaku, formerly a slave of Naraku, was following after me. I was not sure why he had chosen to come. While I had not yet experienced the urge to dispose of him, I was also not pleased with his presence. He did not seem to be a spy for Naraku any longer, but still I always kept tabs on him. If nothing else, he appeared to be giving Rin a bit of company for the time being. The two children stood talking about that dead priestess who seemed to have died again. Not that I cared.

I kept my attention on the many scents coming to me on the wind. As always, the strongest smell of them all was Rin's. As an outcome of her favorite pastime, she constantly smelled of flowers. She must have recently gotten into those sticky yellow ones with the particularly potent pollen that got smeared all over her fingers and clothes and generally left her smelling like them for weeks. Sometimes even after I left her I could still smell the flowers, as if some of the pollen had drifted over and stuck to me instead.

From behind me, I heard Rin whisper, "Hey Master Jaken, what's Lord Sesshomaru doing?"

"Like I know," Jaken grumbled back in his frog-like voice. "These past few days...it's like he's been looking for something."

"Is it something really important?" Rin asked innocently.

"That much should be obvious!" Jaken hissed impatiently.

Suddenly, Tenseiga pulsed at my side. I quickly reassessed the latest breeze. And sure enough, there it was: the scent I had been searching for. Squinting, I peered into the clouds and saw a white blur flying swiftly far overhead.

Without a moment's hesitation, I leaped into the sky and began my transformation into my true demon form. My body expanded rapidly as I rose. My nose and mouth elongated into a muzzle, my skin gave way to fur, my ears stretched out far behind me, and the whites of my eyes grew red. In this form, that of an enormous white dog, the desire for destruction was always so much greater. I concentrated on rising up to meet the other white shape instead of the taste for blood on my tongue and the lust for battle in my heart. These feelings, too, had taken much training to learn to control.

There was no way she could miss me. I flew right up alongside my mother, who was also in her dog demon form. She was just as enormous as I in size, if more slender. Side by side, our fur brushing, we flew in silence for a few seconds until she finally acknowledged me with a sideways glance.

Needing no more signal, we both began spiraling toward the ground, reversing our transformations as we went. We hit the ground with a great upheaval of dirt—and yet both landed gracefully on two feet. We straightened and gave one another exactly the same hard stare. In this form she was smaller than I, but every bit as regal as I remembered: eyes heavily painted with makeup, silver hair in two pigtails that so nicely mirrored long dog ears.

Running footsteps approached and I heard a very flustered Jaken crying, "Lord Sesshomaru?"

My mother never took her eyes off of me. "Sesshomaru...so it was you," she said smoothly. Leave it to her to know ahead of time that I had been looking for her.

Jaken marched quickly up behind me. "Hey, who do you think you are?" he screeched at my mother. "How dare you address Lord Sesshomaru without a title!"

Ignoring him, I said just as coolly, "I thought perhaps you could tell me of Father's memento, Tenseiga."

"So you're saying you've come to pay your mother a visit?" she asked with one of those shrewd smiles I knew so well.

Rin gasped in surprise and Jaken rasped, "_Mother_?"

Smile never slipping, my mother turned around and waved her hand. Seemingly out of nowhere, her hilltop mansion appeared before us. She had masked it quite well. My followers gave exclamations of surprise.

Immediately, my mother began ascending the long, steep staircase. I followed, knowing my band would join me as soon as they recovered from shock. On either side of the white stairs, several demon guards were posted at various levels. They remained at attention as we passed, never making eye contact with their mistress or her son.

Finally, we reached the top of the stairs, where sat my mother's huge golden throne in the courtyard of her extensive property, which consisted of many large buildings with slanted green roofs.

I stopped at the top stair and waited. My mother sat herself down upon the throne and crossed her legs, making sure that her kimono and furs were arranged just right. Only when she appeared satisfied did she look at me. "Sesshomaru..." she said, "do you actually not hate humans? Those two human children you have with you—do you intend to eat them?"

I frowned. Rin and the others were just coming up behind me on the stairs. "Ridiculous." I had no intention of explaining any of my reasons for my company to my mother. I was here for just one reason, and I intended to discuss only that. "Tenseiga's method of opening the meidou...surely you heard about it from Father."

"Maybe," she answered curtly, leaning back and shutting her eyes as if annoyed. "I was merely entrusted with the meidou-seki, after all." She cradled the large violet jewel hanging around her neck.

Now here was something I had not heard of. My frown deepened. "Meidou-seki?"

"I was told to use it if Sesshomaru were to stop by," she went on. "Oh yes, and he told me this as well... 'If you use the meidou-seki, Sesshomaru will be faced with great danger, however you must not feel fear or sadness.'"

Rin and Jaken had their heads together whispering again. "She says this while smiling..." Jaken commented.

"She doesn't seem very worried," Rin agreed.

"What will you do?" my mother asked impatiently. "Don't keep your mother waiting." As ever, she enjoyed toying with me. I knew she had something up her sleeve that she was just dying to pull out. However, I refused to give her the satisfaction of seeing me concerned.

"Hmph, the thought never crossed my mind," I replied.

She sat up straight and smiled, holding her meidou-seki out in front of her. "In that case, shall we have a bit of fun?"

The jewel flared with light, and suddenly an enormous black shadow leaped out from it. It quickly materialized into a snarling hound four times as large as I in my current form. It possessed no eyes, but compensated for it with long rows of needle-sharp teeth. The monster immediately jumped for me, but I beat him to the draw. I slid Tenseiga from its sheath and silently commanded,_ Meidou-zangetsuha!_

The crescent shaped dimensional rift immediately appeared before the fiend.

"So this is Sesshomaru's meidou, huh?" I heard my mother remark in a bored voice. "It's nowhere near a circle."

Hmph. Well, that may have been so, but it had still caused plenty of devastation to my enemies. Perhaps she would change her tune once she witnessed it cut this beast in half.

But to my surprise, the hound passed straight through the meidou and flew around my right side.

"Wha?" Jaken screeched. "Lord Sesshomaru's sword didn't cut it?"

"That is a hellhound," my mother said calmly, resting her chin daintily on her long white fingers. "Sesshomaru, no matter what you do, your sword will neither injure nor heal it."

_Fine then,_ I thought. I would just have to find another way to kill it. But to my horror, the hellhound did not circle back around at me. It rushed behind me, heading straight for Kohaku and Rin.

"It's coming this way!" Kohaku cried, pushing himself bravely in front of Rin.

I could not react fast enough. The monster absorbed both of them straight into its shadowy essence and shot back toward the meidou, this time entering into it like a doorway.

"Lord Sesshomaru! Rin is—!"

Jaken didn't have to finish. I jumped straight for the meidou. _It must not close before I can get in!_

"Wait Sesshomaru."

I paused in mid air. My mother stood and took two steps toward me. "You intend to pass through the meidou?" she asked. "And on top of that to save a _human_. You really have become soft."

"I'm just going there to kill the dog," I insisted partly to her and partly to myself. Then before the rift could close, I flew inside, hearing Jaken's fading wail of "Lord Sesshomaru!" before all went black.

The darkness I flew through then was almost palpable. It was as if I sunk down into a deep ocean. Everything moved slowly, and it was deathly quiet. Then suddenly a long winding road appeared down below me.

It was a thin path protruding out of nothing, with steep slopes on either side that likewise gave way to nothingness. It was foreboding and compelling, as if a person could not help but walk upon it once their feet had made contact. _This is the one road to hell then..._ I thought, amazed at what my _meidou-zangetsuha _had given way to.

I caught a glimpse of movement down below that jolted all of my senses. The hellhound came into view, running swiftly upon the road. I immediately cracked my knuckles as I dove for it, ready to mercilessly strike it down and slice open its belly. I swept down upon the fiend, giving a great sweep of my powerful claws.

That one stroke would have felled it—if only it had not been so quick. Instead, I struck the road in a huge upheaval of rock. Cracks formed and the path began to crumble away in one spot. The hellhound tiptoed on light paws to the other side of the new fissure, where it paused to growl at me over its shoulder. As it turned its side toward me, my heart leapt.

I could see Rin laying inside of its shadowy belly. Kohaku lay with her, his arm draped protectively around her middle. They both appeared to be unconscious. Rin's brow was furrowed. She may have been in terrible pain. Her small mortal body could not long withstand whatever evil this hellhound was inflicting.

And then the worst thing that I could have possibly seen appeared before me: the pall-bearers of the afterlife. They were coming to take Rin away from me.

_Healing Tenseiga!_ I zipped forward, drawing my sword and sweeping it forward in one smooth motion. The imp-like spirits disintegrated in choked cries. And my strike went farther than that. Here, in the realm of the underworld, the hellhound was a real and physical being, and was hence also affected by Tenseiga. The slice traveled straight through its flesh, cutting it clean in half.

The hound gave out a howl-like gurgle as it fell in two pieces down either side of the path. Kohaku and Rin tumbled free of its body and landed with a _thud_ onto the rock path. A second later I landed beside them. I sheathed my sword as I knelt swiftly down to one knee. Rin had not yet moved.

My lungs felt like they were being squeezed tightly. I reached a hand out to my little follower. Unsure of what to do, my head feeling light, I gently brushed a piece of black hair out of her face.

All of a sudden, Rin groaned. I exhaled, hardly realizing that I had been holding my breath. _She's alive..._ I stayed beside her for a few moments, watching her chest rising and falling reassuringly.

Then another noise caught my attention. Kohaku groaned too. Not only that, he opened his eyes and looked up. So, the boy had survived as well. He was stronger than I thought.

"Lord Sesshomaru..." he said in surprise when he noticed where he was and who knelt beside him. Then he looked down at the little girl he had been trying to protect. "Rin..."

I regally stood and looked away, not wanting Kohaku to see my concern for the children. After a moment's pause I commented, "Looks like you're able to move. The power of the Shikon shard, huh." It was the only explanation to how he had recovered in this place.

Kohaku would not have the subject changed. "Rin is..." he started again. He seemed to be quite worried about her.

Suddenly the path behind us began to quake. The rock cracked and crumbled.

"The road!" Kohaku exclaimed.

And that was not the only new problem. The stench of rotting bones and the sound of flapping wings alerted me that we had company. I turned to find skeletal bird creatures with membranes for wings swooping down at us from the darkness above. I jumped up to meet them in the air, my claws making short work of those in range. I tore through their bodies like paper.

However, no sooner had I touched back down onto the rock when some other dark creature rose up from below. A black tendril of putrid monster flesh writhed up before me. Out of it sprouted three heads that looked similar to that of the hellhound.

I had no doubt I could defeat them, but remembering how quick the hellhound had been able to stike, and how close the children were behind me, I ordered Kohaku, "Take Rin and run!" Perhaps he may be useful after all. With only one arm, it would be difficult for me to both protect Rin and fight.

"Right!" Kohaku immediately answered. I heard his footsteps hurrying off behind me as I pulled out Tenseiga once more.

The heads bore down on me. I dodged the teeth with ease, swiping at their necks with my blade. They were easily decapitated by the powerful Tenseiga. But in its death throes, one of the headless necks thrashed so hard that it struck the path behind me, causing it too to crumble.

I heard Kohaku cry out. Turning about, I lunged forward and scooped up both he and Rin before they could become victims of the unstable road. I carried them to safety under my arm before touching down and setting Kohaku back on his feet.

"Don't make me waste time unnecessarily," I told him as he looked up at me and shifted the unconscious Rin on his back.

"R-right..." he replied shakily.

I looked down at my hand, which still clutched Tenseiga. "This arm...is only meant to hold a sword."

"Right," he said again. It was strange, but I got the impression that he really did understand.

I sheathed my weapon and continued walking down the path. "Let's go. Don't get separated."

Kohaku nodded and continued along beside me with Rin in tow. Although I did not look back at them, my senses remained alert to the remaining skeleton-birds, which circled around behind us. Kohaku glanced back at them too, and after a few moments of peace he commented warily, "They've stopped attacking."

I did not answer, but thought, _So they are telling us...to proceed. So up ahead is something that can raise the power of the _meidou-zangetsuha_?_

We walked on in silence for several more minutes as the cries of the birds faded into silence behind us.

Suddenly Kohaku stopped mid step. "Rin?" I heard him say. And then, "Lord Sesshomaru...Rin...isn't breathing."

A chill ran through me the likes of which I had never experienced before. It was as though ice had exploded inside my heart and froze everything inside me, right down to my feet, which refused to take another step. _Rin is dead...?_ I slowly turned around.

"She hasn't been breathing for a while, and her body's getting colder..." Kohaku told me worriedly.

I frowned. No. I would fight this. I would not succumb to this sense of dread spreading through me. I was Sesshomaru, after all. I wielded the sword of healing, of resurrection. Even death bowed to my power.

"Put Rin down," I instructed the boy.

Kohaku obeyed. He gently laid Rin down on the rock path and then scooted back and eyed me curiously.

Keeping my eyes focused on her still body, I slowly drew out Tenseiga. They would come; any second, the pall-bears of the afterlife would come into view again, and I would slice them into nothingness with one stroke. I waited...

But all I could see was Rin's body. No denizens of the other world appeared. _What?_ The chill shot through me again, this time with more intensity. _What's the meaning of this? I can't see the pall-bearers of the afterlife! _Rin's face was deathly white.

Kohaku came forward again and leaned over her. "Rin..." he whispered in dismay. Then he looked up at me hopefully. "Lord Sesshomaru...?"

I hardly heard him. A new horror attacked my senses. It was the scent of something that has just died, and it was coming from my Rin. _She's dead...?_

Overcoming the chill, my blood began to pump angrily. I gripped the handle of my sword almost tight enough to bend its metal. _Why Tenseiga?_ I silently demanded. _Answer me!_ How dare it betray me like this! It gave no pulses, no signs of power. Only quiet remained.

"I'm sorry Lord Sesshomaru..." Kohaku said in a hushed voice, returning his attention to the girl. "I was there with her, and still..."

"Silence," I commanded. He was the least of my worries at the moment. How could I have let this happen? I shouldn't have brought Rin with me to my mother's castle. I should have left her with Jaken somewhere safe!

_No..._I realized. My real mistake was before that. _I didn't have to bring her with me at all. When I called Rin back from the dead after she was mauled by wolves all those months ago. At that time...if I'd just left her at a human village...none of this would have happened._ She would be with her own kind at this very minute, alive and happy and picking flowers.

Suddenly the darkness on the road ahead of us seemed to pulse. Kohaku gasped and I glanced back at it with a frustrated frown. A great wind swept over us, and we were swallowed in total blackness. Then just as quickly, it receded back down the path.

But it had taken that beloved scent with it.

"Lord Sesshomaru!" Kohaku cried. "Rin was—!"

As if I didn't already know. The underworld was trying to keep Rin, but I was not about to allow it. I turned and rushed straight into the darkness ahead. Kohaku followed me at a run.

We were soon surrounded by night, with barely enough light for even my demon eyes to see with. I had to slow a bit, for I realized that the boy could not keep up with me, and it would serve no purpose to lose him in this blackness. I reduced my pace to a brisk walk, which Kohaku shadowed with a jog. We continued on this way in complete silence for some time. My sight may have been limited, but I remained acutely alert to every sound, every scent. I knew the smell of Rin would emerge at any moment, and I would be ready to fly in that direction.

My focus was so centered, that I came to an abrupt halt when suddenly I realized that a huge circle of light had just flared up before us on the path. Inside was a picture of my mother's mansion.

"It's the outside world!" Kohaku realized. And indeed it was. My mother must have opened a portal for us.

Sure enough, I heard her echoing voice call out, "Come out Sesshomaru. If you keep coming this way, you will be able to leave hell. However, this path will soon close. If that happens, you will never again be able to return to this world."

I was not even tempted to accept her offer. I would not return without Rin. However, there was no need for the boy to endanger himself any longer. "Kohaku," I ordered, "you take that path."

He looked up at me in surprise. "Lord Sesshomaru..."

I felt a little jolt in my heart then as at that moment I caught the scent of sweet, sticky yellow pollen. It was coming from the darkness to my left. I had no more time to waste on Kohaku or my mother. I stepped out fearlessly into the nothingness...and a path formed beneath my feet! _So, I am expected,_ I thought with a growl. Was this all part of Tenseiga's test?

I heard running footsteps behind me. "I'll go too!" Kohaku called as he hurried to catch up.

Hmph. So the human child had some courage after all. Perhaps he was more useful than I thought. The portal of light closed shut behind us.

As we moved swiftly down the new road, a second great wind rose against us. This time it carried with it not darkness, but a mortifying stench. Even Kohaku's human senses picked it up, and he covered his nose and mouth with one hand. I knew this smell. I caught a small hint of it on Rin earlier, and now it was overwhelming. _The scent of death!_

I looked up and was stunned by what I saw: an enormous humanoid mass of shadow. It smelled of rot and looked to have strings of flesh hanging off of its limbs. As darkness cleared around it and the creature came more and more into view, I could see that it had raised one hand up near to its head and appeared to be holding something in its fist. It slowly turned towards us.

Kohaku was the first to say it: "Rin!"

This hideous thing was holding her limp body in its hand. I quickly glanced around to gauge the situation. All around the thing—and in fact all around the path upon which we stood—were piles and piles of dead human bodies.

"A mountain of corpses..." Kohaku breathed in disbelief. The creature stood in the middle of them all, as if overseeing them.

_So this must be...the master of hell,_ I realized. And he was planning on adding his newest acquisition to his vast collection. I drew out Tenseiga once more. _Not while I yet live. Rin...I'm bringing you back!_ I jumped into the air and flew toward the monster. Hills of still bodies passed underneath me. _I won't let you join them! _my mind screamed determinedly. _I won't let you go there!_

Tenseiga flashed before me. My resolve was so great, that it only took one stroke. Hell's master gave a muffled cry as he was sliced clean in two.

"He did it!" I heard Kohaku cry. He was right; this must have been the answer this time. Surely now Rin would be resurrected!

The creature's flesh dissolved into smoke and tattering darkness. As his giant hand disappeared, Rin began to fall, heading for the mountain of death below. With a graceful _whoosh_ I swooped in and caught her in my arm.

With Tenseiga still in my hand, I cradled the girl against my chest. Any second now, I would hear her heart begin to beat again. I noticed a spot of clear ground down below between the corpses, and I made for it. After touching down lightly, I gave all of my attention to Rin. She remained limp in my grasp.

"Rin, wake up," I called softly—something I would normally never do.

There came no answer. No breath, no heartbeat, and still the persisting smell of death. That icy chill took hold of my insides again. "Rin..."

For a moment I just stood still, denying it will all my heart. But the truth was dawning on me.

_She...can't be saved?_

My hand seemed to lose all its strength. Tenseiga slipped from my grasp. Instead I clutched Rin's body closer to me, possessively.

_She can't be saved?_

No. No, no, no. My eyes burned but I saw nothing. My heart raced but I felt empty. This was not how it was supposed to go. I, Sesshomaru, was supposed to emerge victorious through all trials. Until this moment training my sword had been so important to me, but now all I could think was, _What's the point of it now? Just for something like Tenseiga..._ "Rin, I let you die..." I stared in disbelief at her still face as it rested against my shoulder.

Why had I never brought this tiny body close to me when it was warm? Why had I never answered her questions? Why had I never listened to her when she talked? Why would I leave her alone for such long periods of time? I never in all my centuries of life imagined that I would want to protect someone so badly that when I failed, it would hurt more than any physical wound I had ever suffered. _Someone to protect...someone precious._ It had taken all this for me to realize it. The most important thing to me was no longer power, or Tetsusaiga, or even getting even with Inuyasha. It was her. I didn't give a damn about the making the _meidou-zangetsuha_ wider_. _

Emotion—something I normally avoided at great cost—welled up inside of me. Enraged, I squeezed Rin's body and lowered my face almost down to her black hair. This was my fault! I bit my lip hard, my body trembling. _To obtain this in exchange for Rin's life...It means nothing!_

It took me a moment to realize that Tenseiga was glowing. From its discarded position before me, hilt sticking straight up, it seemed to be sending out circles of light. Slowly, the corpses all around me began to move. I heard Kohaku exclaim in surprise as they all inched in a close circle around the sword, reaching out to it with shriveled fingers.

I was not alarmed. Nothing could faze me now. Surprisingly, the only thought that came to my mind was, _These people are the same as Rin..._ _Souls who do not deserve to be left here. They wish to be saved._

Making sure Rin was secure between my shoulder furs and my chest, I knelt to one knee to retrieve my sword. As I took hold of Tenseiga and held it straight before my face, a strange—but incredible—feeling entered into me through its hilt. _Saddness, fear, light, purity..._ The light became overwhelming. Kohaku had to shield his eyes. Only mildly did I register how bizarre it was for a demon to be purifying something. But Tenseiga had this power. These souls stuck here in Hell would move on now...

But it was time for us to leave. After such an impressive feat I supposed I should have felt full, or proud, or amazed. But there was only emptiness. A deep seated despair that gnawed away at me from the inside. _She's gone... _Never again would I see those brown eyes light up as I returned to her, or hear her little voice singing made-up songs. How long would it take before the smell of death overtook that of the flowers?

Tenseiga pulsed for me again and I knew what it wanted me to do. Obliging, glad for the chance to scream, I cried, "_Meidou-zangetsuha!_"

An enormous rift appeared before Kohaku and I, only this time instead of a path to the underworld, it produced a path back to the mortal realm. And it was in the shape of almost a perfect circle.

Rage boiled in my heart. It was like Tenseiga had taken Rin as a sacrifice in order to gain this power. Holding Rin tightly, I stepped through to the light, the boy following close behind.

We appeared in the courtyard of my mother's castle, in the exact same spot from which we had departed.

"Lord Sesshomaru!" Jaken croaked when he saw me, tears welling in his huge yellow eyes.

"So you've returned," my mother remarked coolly.

Kohaku and I made contact with the solid ground, securely back in the world of daytime, and I felt the _meidou _diminish into nothing at my back. For a moment I remained still, glaring at my mother. My hate grew with each passing second. She started this. She summoned the hellhound. She let Rin be taken to the underworld.

Stepping over to the platform upon which my mother's throne sat, I gently laid Rin's body down. Jaken scrambled up close to examine her. Kohaku went silently to her side. "Rin..." he breathed quietly as he watched her lifeless form.

I faced my mother squarely. How could I even begin to express my fury? Even if she was my own mother, she would be punished for this heinous crime against me.

"What's the matter Sesshomaru?" she asked calmly, completely unperturbed. "You appear upset. Just as you wished, Tenseiga matured and the _meidou_ widened. How about showing a bit of happiness?"

She was toying with me again, but I would not have it. "You knew. You knew that this would happen to Rin."

Her answer was unexpected. "You have already saved this girl with Tenseiga once before, correct?"

This completely halted my momentum. I had a terrible feeling that I knew what she would say next.

"Tenseiga is only able to call a dead person back _once._"

There it was again. Guilt. Sadness. Anger. But now the latter was directed at myself. How could I not have known? It felt like something hot and wet and terrible was poured on my head and slowly saturated my skin as she continued, "It's only natural. After all, life is finite. It's not something you can save as many times as you like at your convenience. Did you think you were a god? That as long as you had Tenseiga, there was no fear of death?"

I had not realized it until just now, but that must have been exactly what I thought. Perhaps that was why I was not more careful with Rin's protection, why I would trust her to just Ah-Un's care and leave her for days. There was always Tenseiga, my back up. Perhaps in some corner of my mind I had thought it impossible for me, the great Sesshomaru, to ever lose her.

"Sesshomaru, it's something you had to learn," my mother said. For the first time in a very long time, her voice lost its edge. It grew quiet and more understanding than condescending. "When your heart wishes to save someone dear to you, it must at the same time feel sadness and fear at losing them."

_Sadness and fear..._ If I had not known what they were before, I certainly knew it now.

She went on, "Your father said this as well. Tenseiga is a healing sword. Even when wielded as a weapon, you must understand the weight of life and carry a compassionate heart when dispatching your enemy. That is what is necessary for the one who wields the Tenseiga, which can save a hundred lives and send enemies to the _meidou_."

A moment of silence passed. So it was my fault. It was my fault all along. In order for me to understand the meaning of a compassionate heart, Rin had to die. In that instant I would have given anything—the _meidou-zangetsuha_, the Tenseiga...even my own life—in order to bring her back.

Suddenly loud sniffles broke the quiet. My mother glanced over to the platform. "Little demon...are you crying?" she asked Jaken. Her cool tone was back.

"I am **Jaken**," my servant insisted, implying that they had been through this before. "And because Lord Sesshomaru's disposition prevents him from ever showing tears, I shall in his pl-place..." Small sobs escaped from him and he buried his face in one of his sleeves.

So. Despite all his complaining, the tiny demon actually cared for Rin as well. There were very few times in his years of service that I actually appreciated Jaken, but this was one of those rare times.

"Ah," my mother said, as if understanding. She looked back at me. "Are you sad Sesshomaru?"

As if she had to ask! She was the one who was just lecturing me about sadness and fear! My anger rekindled. Then suddenly it came to a halt as she reached for the string of beads around her neck that held the _meidou-seki._ Lifting it up and over her head, she said in a warning tone, "Don't think I'll do this again..."

My eyes widened and my heart skipped a beat. Just what was she planning to do? My feet rooted me to the ground as I watched her step up beside the body of Rin. Gently, she laid the necklace around the little girl's head so that the jewel rested on her chest. To my amazement, it began to glow.

It was soft at first, like the glow of the moon, but in a matter of seconds it escalated into a bright flash that filled the courtyard and reduced Rin's form to a stark silhouette. Kohaku and Jaken gasped, watching in amazement.

"It's the girl's life that was left behind in hell," I heard my mother say.

Slowly, the light faded and then disappeared completely. There passed a long minute of stillness in which no one moved.

And then Rin opened her eyes. I will remember that moment for the rest of my life. I could hear her heart beat and breath fill her lungs. The smell of death evaporated. Relief fell through me like a lead weight. I remained frozen in place, just staring at her, for what seemed like forever.

Then Jaken and Kohaku brought me back to my senses. "RIN!" they cried in unison.

As air tried to get back out of her temporarily dormant chest, Rin's breath caught in her throat. Rolling to her side, she involuntarily coughed several times and then took deep breaths, as if her body was making sure that it could still function.

I do not remember moving. All I know is that I was suddenly kneeling beside her. My hand reached out to cup the side of her face. This was the first time I could ever recall touching her without reason. But I had to. I needed to feel the warmth of her skin. I had to make sure that she had really come back.

Rin lay back and looked up at me with dazed eyes. Then she gave a little smile. Her hand clutched the back of mine. Those precious fingers were so small. "Lord Sesshomaru..." she said softly.

The sound of her voice gave me more pleasure than I ever would have guessed before this day. "You're...alright now," I said in what was similar (as far as I knew) to a fatherly tone. It was as much of a statement as it was a question.

Rin blinked, her eyes half closing with sleepiness. But still she smiled. "Yes."

After a few more deep breaths, she sat up. My hand slid down to her shoulder, where it rested as she smiled up at me. _She's alive..._ It was still sinking in, and I found myself smiling back at her. I could not remember smiling out of happiness since...well, since my childhood.

In the background, I heard Jaken enthusiastically expressing thanks to my mother on my behalf.

"Is Sesshomaru happy?" she asked in response.

"Most likely extremely so," Jaken replied.

"All this fuss over a human girl... He's become like his father in the strangest ways."

There was a time when I would have been disgusted by a remark like that, but at the moment I found I did not care in the least. Perhaps it was true. Perhaps I was finally beginning to understand how my father could have come to care so much for a human.

Rin dangled her feet over the side of the platform for a few seconds, looking around. Then she jumped to the ground and I stood up beside her. She glanced down at the _meidou-seki_ around her neck. "How'd I get this?" she wondered aloud. "It's kinda heavy..."

Not surprising. The beads were each as large as her palm and the jewel was at least as big as her hand. She started to try and lift it off of her shoulders, but I reached down and took a hold of it instead, pulling it over her head and brushing her little side ponytail.

Turning to my mother, I held the necklace out to her, my smile gone. I did not know how to feel about her just now. She had resurrected Rin, yes, but she also had a hand in sending her to the _meidou_ in the first place. My mother took the jewel with a knowing smirk. "Don't stay away too long now, Sesshomaru. You know your mother always loves to see you."

Hmn. "Love" was a relative term. I turned to my three followers, who were all watching me. "We're going," I informed them and made for the long staircase. They came along behind me without hesitation. Jaken paused to bow to my mother before hurrying after the rest of us.

We had only descended a few of the steps when my mother called out to Kohaku: "Boy."

He stopped and looked back at her over his shoulder.

"Answer me one thing. You were able to survive in Hell. That is something impossible for a human of living flesh. Are you..."

"My life is bound by a Shikon shard," he explained.

At this point I paused, also glancing back at my mother. Her face held a serious expression, now devoid of any cockiness. "I see..." she replied. "Then remember this. You and the girl are the same—lives that cannot be saved by Tenseiga."

I frowned. She had said that for my benefit as much as Kohaku's. As if I needed reminding. These children would not be given another chance. It was up to me to protect them. And protect them I would.

I continued to descend the stairs.

"Yes...I will remember that," Kohaku said behind me. Then I heard his footsteps continue.

I lapsed into deep thought as we made the long trek to the ground. There were so many new developments to consider—about the Tenseiga, the _meidou-zangetsuha_...and about myself. We were almost to the last step when I heard Jaken and Kohaku cry out together, "Rin!"

I whipped around. Rin had sunk to her knees and was rubbing her eyes with one hand. Kohaku held one of her arms, keeping her from falling down face first.

"I'm alright..." Rin said with a yawn. "I'm just so sleepy for some reason..."

So. Her life had been returned, but her body was still weak. It made sense; the human body was a fragile thing, and it did not know how to react after returning from the dead. She needed a chance to rest.

"I'll carry you Rin," Kohaku said, placing an arm around her shoulders. "Then you can sleep on my back."

But before he could do so, I swooped down and picked Rin up myself. I supported her with my one arm so that she could lean against my shoulder furs and my chest, just like I had in the _meidou. _

She looked up at me with surprised brown eyes. "Lord Sesshomaru?"

Even though I turned so I did not face them, I could perceive Jaken and Kohaku's shock from their silent stillness. I hardly knew what I was doing myself. All I knew was that I did not want to trust Rin to anyone's hands but my own.

"Rest," I commanded her.

"Y-yes..." she replied carefully. As if on cue, she yawned again.

I continued to walk on deliberately, and after a moment the others followed. Rin's eyes drooped at once and before long she was sleeping soundly, her head leaning into the furs on my shoulder.

I walked straight ahead for the rest of the day at a pace with which the others could keep up. Rin slept the entire time. I could hear her deep breathing and feel her little twitches now and then that resulted from dreams. When the sky grew dark, I found a suitable place to rest and paused. Still keeping my back to them, I told Jaken and Kohaku to make camp for the night. They obeyed without question, but I could swear their eyes were glued to my back curiously. I took leave of them, knowing that they would not follow, and found a spot not too far away to rest against a tree.

Here I sat and lowered Rin into my lap so that I could rest my arm. The moon was almost full this night. I glanced up at the sky thoughtfully. Part of me, the proud, pureblood demon part, wondered what in the world I was doing. But then another more dominant part was thinking only that it was rather chilly tonight, and would Rin be warm enough to sleep?

Just then a cold breeze blew past me, causing that beloved scent of flower pollen to waft up into my face. The little body on my lap suddenly shivered, and Rin opened her eyes. With a small stretch she sat up and rubbed her eyes. She seemed startled to look up and find me so close by.

"My Lord?" she asked in surprise. Then a smile lit up her face. "I...I thought I was just dreaming that you carried me, but I guess it was true!"

"Rin, how do you feel?" I asked before I could stop myself.

"I'm fine my Lord! Just...a bit weak. I wonder why I'm still sleepy?" Another yawn escaped her.

"Sleep now," I instructed. "You will feel better in the morning."

"Alright," she consented, settling back down on my knee. But before she shut her eyes, she looked up at me with what looked like caution. After a moment she smiled again. Closing her eyes and snuggling her head into my chest she said softly, "I love you Lord Sesshomaru."

I, the great Sesshomaru, was rendered speechless. I had never been told that I was loved. Not even by my mother. I gently placed my hand on her black head, listening as she fell back into slumber. Despite all the danger I had put her through, all the times she had been captured, had seen terrifying things, and been on the brink of death—and even journeyed _through_ death because of me —she could still say such a thing. It baffled me. But not half as much as the fact that I found myself thinking the exact same thing: _I love you. _

Love...such a strange emotion for a demon to have. It was a new and profound idea that would take time for me to think through.

But I knew one thing for certain. The strongest desire of my heart was to keep Rin with me always. Yet it was that very thing that I must not do. Naraku knew that she was my weakness, and he would most assuredly use that against me before this was all over. Even if he was defeated, my other foes could discover her and use her as a way to get to me. This must never happen again. I swore to protect her, and so I would. Someday, perhaps someday soon, I would have to leave her with her own kind. She would find safety in obscurity. Just another human girl with no connection to the Great Dog Demon of the West.

I felt a sort of emptiness begin to gnaw at me from the inside. I hated the idea of being parted from Rin. It must happen eventually...but not right now. I would be selfish for just a little longer. In that moment, she was my child and I was her father. I watched the stars appear in the sky in increasing numbers as the night came on, stroking Rin's hair through my long fingers.

_For now sleep, my precious daughter...tomorrow will come soon enough._


End file.
